Excitement At Lofty Heights

Finally finished clearing and insulating the loft, and with only minor fatigue around the thighs this time. The force 10 gale that blows up the hall whenever a neighbour sneezes or closes their door hard, or a car drives up the road (it’s drafty, and I’m again too tired to try and be clever so shoe horning remains the order of the day) will soon be sorted and my home will finally be a warm and snug place. Actually, it won’t. That’s a big fat lie. When I’ve decorated, got new carpets, re-sealed the windows, re-decorated, got newer carpets, replaced the central heating; replaced the insulation and the 1,001 other things that as home owners we have to do and re-do to keep the never ending upkeep going so that one day, maybe, we can lie down and die, then it will be warm and snug. Ah, life! Forever a work in progress.

So, in good news I’ve ordered my new gaming PC. Got a bit of a bargain so am kind of expecting one of those “we made a mistake” e-mails and “if you want to hand over another bundle of cash we’ll think about it!” offers. Assuming that doesn’t happen, I’m excited at the prospect of playing Bioshock (PC) as it was meant to be seen. Of getting decent frame rates in Crysis (PC) even if the game is just a better looking Far Cry (PC) but with all the fun removed. I might even have yet another run through S.T.A.L.K.E.R (PC). Then maybe get my hands on Call Of Duty 4 (PC) and Gears Of War (PC). I might go crazy and book some time off work so I can have another crack at Oblivion (PC). On top of all that PC goodness, I’m ridiculously excited at the prospect of finally getting my hands on Super Mario Galaxy (Wii). News that Deus Ex 3 is in the works and the Ghostbusters trailer for the game that is in development are too exciting for words, see

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'Generic Shooter 3' Made Me Do It.

Everybody’s 9^th favourite Scotsman and current political laughing stock Gordon Brown wants to understand games and the gaming culture. Well, firstly, way up high on any gamer’s priority list, is not to lose your CDs / DVDs.

The Byron Review will hopefully advise the government that contrary to most mainstream media reports we’re not all slavering miscreants using violent videogames to finely tune our murdering skills before popping out to butcher old Mrs Tilly from No. 48. However, I can’t help but feel that we’re more likely to see greater controls and censorship heading our way. The current BBFC banning of Manhunt 2 is an example of reactionary censorship brought about by the systematic failure in the control and supply of videogames by those who demand the tighter controls. Parents.

With a title as suggestive as Assassin’s Creed (XB360/PS3) and a BBFC certificate 15 on the box, you don’t need to be a genius to work out that the game may feature the odd death, most likely committed by the player. So when I see a parent gladly hand the game to their 10 year old outside HMV in Birkenhead, my heart just sinks. I know it’s not an isolated case, and I’ve no doubt children throughout the country will be maiming and destroying with great abandon come December 25^th. I’m just waiting for the “Game Made Jonny Stab Mommy” headlines.

Time Waits For No Gamer.

Something happens as you get older, time speeds up. Add a family and time not only speeds up but starts playing tricks on you too. It knocks on your door and runs away and hides so that by the time you find it in order to have that bit of time to yourself, it’s already time for time to move on. Take this blog entry for example, I’ve been writing it for weeks. Not literally of course, I don’t type that slowly, but the original idea manifested some weeks back as I desperately tried to find time to play through the Orange Box (PC). Excusing TF2’s online shenanigans, Valve’s 2 little nuggets of newness are not particularly expansive. HL2:Episode 2 can be run through in about 6 hours. Portal in 4. There was a time when I could do both of them in one sitting and still get a few levels of whichever console game was flavour of the month. No chance of that now though. I’m lucky if I can even get close to 10 hours game time in a week.

There are numerous factors involved in this, but the primary one is simply that while gaming is far and away my favourite leisure activity, what should be my leisure time is no longer mine. In the evening’s it’s either my wife’s or works, and at the weekend it’s my daughters. Whereas weekends could be spent watching complete series of favourite TV shows or Star Wars movie marathons, now if we’re not out on some form of activity, my TV is owned by Dora The Explorer, Scooby Doo & Wonder Pets.

This leads me to thinking that the games industry is in danger of losing a significant proportion of its user base. I’m one of those people who was pretty much around at the start. I played on Intellivision, Atari 2600, ZX81, Spectrum, Amiga, SNES, PlayStation, N64 etc. I’ve aged with the industry and helped nurture it to its current maturity, yet I feel it's stopped making games for me. Developers seem intent on making games longer, seemingly to justify the price. They boast about 30+ hours of gameplay. At moments like this I like to get out a big pointy stick and point it’s pointyness towards Max Payne 2. Max Payne 2 could be completed comfortably in 8 hours, and yet on completion I’ve yet to hear of anyone complaining it was too short. On the contrary, I get the impression that the community seem to agree with my sentiment that The Fall of Max Payne was a beautifully crafted and executed interactive experience. The value came from the joy of (repeatedly) playing it. Movies aren’t judged on their running time so if gaming wants to move closer to being as respected then developers need to get over their hang up on length (I know there's an innuendo in there but I'm trying to be serious and avoid flaccid dick jokes and accusations of inadequacy). I’m now put off buying games such as Metroid Prime 3 Corruption (Wii) due to tales of fetch quests and save locations that mean there is no way to jump in and out of the game. Oblivion (PC) sits on the shelf, 30 hours of questing in and I fear I’ll probably never continue. I simply can’t commit to a multi-hour gaming session these days.

On the flip side we have the multi-mini-game simplicity of many a Wii title. While these are fun and easily accommodated in to what little time I have, they lack the compelling story or drama I want from a modern, mature, gaming experience. This is where I feel we risk losing the middle ground. People who have grown up with gaming and want to keep gaming. The hardcore gamer with casual sensibilities. I want mature themes. I want action. I want tension. I want drama.

I need it in a concise package.

England 0 - Rest of the World 3

Well, that all went to crap! I seem to recall that coming into this week it was going to be a slendiferous cavalcade of success. Then Wednesday came and the prima donnas’ of our consistently average national football side bricked it. Let’s not mince words here, they were shit. As bland and uninventive as the none entity who manages them. They went to Russia and got cold feet (yes I know it’s lazy but I’m tired and angry, deal with it!)
Then Saturday came and some over performing public school boys were typically English and did the whole gallant loser thing.
Sunday, our last hope, and the wee nipper rolled his pram off the kerb.
Yay to be English.

Actually, through all this there was the great comedy moment of the Scottish Prime Minister supporting England at the Stade de France. What, no English people in the cabinet?

Mixing Bowl

Mixed week. On the one hand I’ve had the absolute pleasure of Portal (PC). Talk about sliding in under the radar. Anyone who says they knew this was going to be the purest slice of gaming cake in the history of gaming is a liar. No-one could have expected this. It’s a pleasure to have handed over hard earned cash for. Log in to your steam account now and get it. Sod reading this rubbish anymore, go now.

Also in the Orange Box, which when purchased through Steam comes sans box of course, is Half-Life 2: Episode 2 (PC) and Team Fortress 2 (PC) along with Half Life 2 and Half-Life 2: Episode 1. As someone who already owned HL2 & Ep1 it’s a touch galling having to buy them again for Ep2, TF2 and Portal, but with the current exchange rate being what it is it wasn’t galling enough to stop me. TF2 I’ve played a few times as with getting it through Steam I could play the Beta, and as nice an online shooter as it is, at the moment I much prefer Enemy Territory: Quake Wars (PC). That’s not to say TF2 isn’t great, it is, it’s just not as great. I’ve also finally started playing Fahrenheit (PC) which has sat on the ‘to play’ shelf for far too long. All in all, a week of gaming happiness.

On the other hand, I took some time off work to finally clear my loft and get it lagged. I figured it would take Thursday and most of Friday to clear and Saturday morning to lag. That would then leave me clear to watch the football and rugby, waving my flag of St George in true armchair fashion. Thursday went well, got a lot of rubble and plaster cleared. One thing I hadn’t considered though was that being an overweight, unfit, desk jockey, come Thursday night my thighs would turn to lead. Friday morning I could barely walk, and when I did get motive I looked like I’d done the mother of all shits in my pants. A haemorrhoidal, saddle sore, John Wayne, who’d just walked 10 miles through blazing desert sands, barefoot, would have looked better in control of his limbs than me. So that was Friday scuppered. Saturday and I’m a little more mobile. The Deep Heat I put on clearly doesn’t like me, having left my inner thighs bright red, and in the case of the left thigh, surprisingly blistered. Today I’m almost walking normally. This is a good thing because I’m off to Manchester tomorrow to watch The Police. Or at least I was until I got an e-mail from the MEN Arena at 17:00 to advise that Sting has a sore throat. Most of the evening has been spent trying desperately to find something else going on in Manchester, because I’m not wasting the days booked off work and the hotel room paid for!

So, mixed week.

Willfull Neglect

It has been pointed out that since selling my soul to Facebook I’ve somewhat neglected my blog. While true, it’s unfair to blame my new mistress for this neglect and rather the banality of my recent existence. Work is as unfulfilling as I have come to expect and I can see history repeating itself as the ‘path of least resistance’ is currently being weeded and a nice fence erected along it’s edging. The end result being of course that those that do will now do more and those that don’t will continue to feed their fat faces and knock off early to play golf.

White & Nerdy

Having taken to this blog thing like a crispy duck to pancakes, Mr Phil has now set me on the path to Facebook. How do I repay him? By getting all Brokeback on his (pardon the pun) ass and telling all his e-friends that we’ve had bum love. We haven’t, and save some catastrophic lifestyle changes on both our parts it’s pretty unlikely we ever will. Sure we may be missing out, but it’s something I think we’ll both have to learn to live with.

What’s really upset me though is that in the past 24 hours Mr Phil has subliminally forced me into taking a Star Wars Quiz and a Movie Quotes Quiz. To my shame I’ve scored 100% in each. So while my puerile nonsense is transparently for comedic effect, Mr Phil is clearly an evil genius.

Rudolph who?

Sometimes learning new stuff is far more exciting than it should be. Like discovering a colleague knows all the names of Santa’s reindeer and teaches you the rhyme so you know them too. For no apparent reason, barely in September so some way off any remote need to actually know the reindeer names, that’s the best thing in the world right now!

No Parking

I’m fortunate enough that despite having my ankle twisted beyond natural human limits and thus ending any hope I had of becoming a professional footballer (any suggestions that by that time I was far too old and never had any real skills anyway being suitably ignored) I don’t consider myself disabled. Sure it’s a little stiff and painful each morning and I’ll never have full mobility back in it. I can however walk. When the mood takes me I can even run / waddle. I am not disabled. When therefore I go to the supermarket or car park I do not park in the disabled bays.

I do have a young daughter who still uses a 3 point harness child seat. So on these outings I do, when available and then only when my little cherub is with me, use the parent and child parking bays so I can suitably access said child.

It’s a simple little bit of self discipline I have.

Taking the piss!

Is there anything worse than public toilets? There are certain things I have come to expect from a 21^st Century Men’s Room:

i) Urine on the floor

ii) No paper in the cubicles

iii) Urine on the seat in the cubicles

iv) No Soap

v) At least one hand dryer out of order

vi) No paper towel alternative

And in prime UK locations:

vii) Needle box

The Pyramids Shopping Centre in Birkenhead today scored a respectable 4/7, and is deserving of a special bonus point for charging an entrance fee for the privelege. Bastards.

Rapture & Ridicule

Oh video games, you evil mistress. With your enticing gameplay you take me away from this pained reality and entertain and excite me! I’ve seen the different S.T.A.L.K.E.R (PC) endings and been playing Excite Truck (Wii), and after downloading and playing through the BioShock (PC) demo a few times (runs surprisingly well on my crusty ol’ rig!) decided that I couldn’t wait for the upgrade so when it dropped on my doormat Thursday it was installed and have been playing that too. It’s early days yet so I could live to regret saying this but BEST GAME EVER!

Back in pained reality, “Lazy” boy is back in work and telling lies again. I’m at a complete loss to understand why he does it. Does he think I won’t find out? Does he really believe the spiteful crap coming out of his mouth? Why don’t our employers put a stop to it? The mind boggles! The news of his impending return was met with derision from a section of the workforce. Some even suggesting we’d be better off if he never came back. The irony is that once again I have to defend him. It’s ridiculous, I know.

Life's Great Mysteries

Mariah Carey is still alive and recording. Any idea why?

P.Fuzz BSc SSc

My education was queried today. Sometimes people get this crazy notion that I actually know stuff. Funny considering that of my peers I am the least intelligent, by some margin. I’ve picked up snippets of information over the many years I’ve wasted, mainly in order to fill the time I was wasting. I hated those last few years of school and didn’t apply myself. I had a just and noble cause mind: I honestly thought I was going to be a Rock God. So odd jobs for just enough money to get along; college; bands; and finally the acceptance that the years were no longer being kind and deity status would forever elude me so I’d better get a real job, was the path I travelled. It’s not something I’d recommend, although I must admit, it was great fun!

Chernoblyl Vs Widnes

So much has happened I barely know where to start… Football is back. YAY! Had a great Guild Wars (PC) session with some of the clan. Finished S.T.A.L.K.E.R. Shadow of Chernobyl (PC) and enjoyed it so much am going to again to see the different endings. Decided I might have to leave Bioshock (PC) until I upgrade my hardware a bit. (I really want that game, but I need to do it justice and my current rig won’t and I’m not buying a 360 just for one game). I’ve been meaning to order Excite Truck (Wii) for ages so finally did that too. I’ve got a problem, don’t I?

All that and I still managed to squeeze in eating, sleeping and some work. Sometimes I amaze myself.

I’m trying to avoid social and political commentary. Can you tell? I used to rant and rave a lot about the ills of the world, but at the end of the day I don’t have the solution or the power to implement it if I did.

A situation in work today illustrates my current feelings of helplessness. I call this situation:

Everything you do is wrong!

Some colleagues complaining about another. He’s lazy; idle; useless they claim. He’s a valued member of the team I reply. He’s a waste of space who should be sacked. No, he is doing his work to the best of his ability and if he is falling short we all have to help to get things back on track.

I’m sure you can already see the road this is going down. Why are these guys working their socks off when they could reduce their workload by 10% simply by slowing down a bit and saying they’ve done their best? So what do we do?

a) Speak with everybody involved and explain what’s needed and required and that people’s ability will differ and that that should be respected and we should all do our best.

b) Discipline the “lazy” guy. Give him targets to reach and a reasonable period to improve and reach them?

c) Discipline the colleagues for making derogatory comments that could offend that other colleagues sensibilities?

Take a few seconds to think about it. Decided? Okay, if you answered:

a) I’m sorry, you have failed to act in any party’s interest and they all feel you are not listening or acting to improve the situation. Expect a couple of grievances to be lodged against you.

b) I’m sorry, you cannot single an individual out like that. Even if that persons performances are below expectations and all his colleagues are repeatedly complaining, to only set the one person a performance improvement schedule could be considered bullying and/or harassment. Expect a grievance to be lodged against you.

c) I’m sorry, you have failed to empathise or act on their concerns. They now feel you are giving the “lazy” colleague preferential treatment while making them do more work. Failure to balance the workload equally could be considered bullying and/or harassment. Expect a grievance to be lodged against you.

The clue was in the title.

Right… S.T.A.L.K.E.R…

Would the real peachFUZZ please stand up.

I always liked the pseudonym peachFUZZ. It’s wonderfully innocent and masked the angry young man I once was. Of course back then the internet was barely crawling and uber haxxors were fragging in Quake on their 33.3k modems and names like God; Deathbringer; The Mighty Bob were the norm. Now of course we have our broadband and streaming HD movies and that angry young man has become an angry middle aged man with blood pressure just about scraping the ionosphere. Try and sign up to a forum or congregative area with the name peachFUZZ and rest assured you’ll be greeted with something along the lines of:

I’m sorry, that name is not available. Please try peachfuzz73681, or come up with something original, loser!

Googling the word can also return some disturbing results, none of which I’d share in a family environment, and made me wonder whether pseudonyms and aliases are truly worthwhile. At least if you use your real name there couldn’t be any chance of mistaken identity.

Curious as to what search parameters would be needed to locate blogs, I first googled peachfuzz and blogspot. Returning blogs mostly about some odd couple who are teaching their offspring to pray not be ginger (SEE)*. I then tried googling my name and blogspot which lead to a series of sex scandals and dirty pictures (feel free to pop off and see for yourself. I’ll be here when you get back). “Kevin Furlong described yesterday as the "BITTER FORMER AIR FORCE MAJOR WHO POSTED WIFE'S NUDE PIX ON INTERNET." Bitter is putting it mildly, ...” Reading on I was rather disturbed to learn, “The death threat issued by Captain amErika against Kevin Furlong has not been resolved” I’ve only just started and am already a potential dead ginger pervert. Result!

*Of course I have no intention to cause any offence to anyone afflicted with a rusty bonnet. You’ve already suffered enough.

Is this thing on?

So I used to have a little website and periodically post my thoughts and comments for anyone who stumbled across it. Work and family commitments, as well as frequent ISP changes, meant that went the way of the Dodo. Of course now everybody does something similar under this "blog" malarky. Thinking that it might be nice to have a little rant once in a while again, the ever so nice Mr Phil directed me here. Seems straight forward enough, so let's see how we go.