It’s been a tough couple of months. Financially things
are finely balanced, as I think they are for most people. Austerity measures
bite into the support that low income families rely on. We’d prefer not
to, we’d love to be completely independent, but my historic lack of
academic performance, inability to co-ordinate my faculties into production,
and my social ineptitude have combined to ensure a salary approaching the
national average shall remain as lofty a dream as that of those who purchase
lottery tickets. But I have my PC. My wonderful PC which takes me away from,
well, me.
Or at least it did. My ageing system is finally starting to
fail. It has been a wonderful companion over these past few years but I can no
longer resist the need to replace its innards. That of course brings us back to
our austerity issues. Gaming PCs aren’t cheap, even low to mid
performance components for those on a tight budget will stretch you to a couple
of consoles worth of purchasing power. Sure, in the long run the PC will work
out comparable if not cheaper overall, but it’s still an eye watering
initial outlay.
Thankfully I’m not frivolous with money and the years
of abusing my body with alcohol, tobacco and drugs are long behind me. I still
eat far too much, but I think that’s pretty typical of those who lack a degree of self worth. Whether that’s a result of my being an unwanted
inconvenience to be paternally abandoned as an infant leaving me with trust
issues I don’t know.
It’s been the ever present monkey on my back: If my
own father didn’t like me enough to stick around and I don’t
particularly like me, why should anyone? Which leads me to think they
don’t and so must be lying if they say they do. And if they’re that
deceitful how can I then trust them? That’s pretty tough to resolve when
you’re married with children.
The sooner my PC is back up and running and I can stop being
me again the better.
