Saturday, 31 December 2011

2011 GOTY and stuff

It’s been an interesting year for me, mostly because I’ve spent a fair portion of it writing about games at both www.plughead.net and www.gamingdaily.co.uk. As the year ends though it has become increasingly difficult to balance that with playing games for their primary entertainment purpose. And the family of course. Mustn’t forget them. So as the year ends and I look at the 105 games currently installed and yet to be completed in my Steam list and realise I really am going to have to reign it in.

I think I went out on a high though with my Xmas 2011 Waffle: http://www.plughead.net/happy-waffle-xmas-2011 (Do feel free to share that with everyone you know)

There have been some truly stunning releases this year but of course Skyrim is my game of the year. You were perhaps expecting me to be different and controversial and choose something that panders to the masses like Modern Warfare 3?

As nice as it would be to be able to separate myself and stand out from the crowd, sometimes something rare and beautiful comes along which unites the righteous as one voice. Something that no longer exists outside your consciousness but envelopes it. That is so compelling you measure time and space by it’s absence. Those weren’t ten minutes I spent sat on my couch watching the headline news item, those were ten minutes I wasn’t crossing the river and running up the hill towards Solitude. The thirty minute ride to work should be more than enough time to investigate and clear Wolfskull cave. As I write these words I’m 9.4miles away from Breezehouse, my Whiterun home, where I left Lydia to rest while I went in search of a Redguard woman who continues to elude me.

That’s not to say Skyrim was the only contender, as while I think 2011 has seen a fair number of titles falling short of expectations, Brink, Dragon Age 2 and Rage being examples that immediately spring to mind, the consequence of this has made those that have actually succeeded in meeting or even exceeding expectations appear all the more magnificent for it. For weeks Portal 2 provided me with tales of joyous narrative discovery and puzzles overcome. Of multiplayer larks where we’d regale each other with how we removed the light path from beneath a colleague’s feet and guffawed into their headset. Or cast a friend into the void by changing the exit portal location just as they’d reached sufficient velocity to be unable to avoid their fate.

Deus Ex: Human Revolution made me the most violent and abusive pacifist imaginable. A contradiction the game itself wears throughout, never truly providing a satisfying consequence to my selected course of action, as irrespective of my desires there’s a story to be told and divergence doesn’t feature in it. Until the push button ending, which was a bit of an elbow blade to the scrotum. And those boss fights! Even when replaying as a gun toting psychopath with a side in kleptomania they felt tagged on, which we have since learned of course, they were. That didn’t stop the game being a thrilling adventure and one I will continue to revisit, as I have with its forebears.

Crytek returned with the their trademark stunningly realised visuals with Crysis 2. A continuation of the franchise that felt more focused and polished than either of its prequels and also acknowledged that the suit is the star of these games, not the lump of meat the player inhabits. That focus however also narrows the field of view and much of Crysis 2 felt a little claustrophobic. Arguably the choices in how to take on the enemies, be it by stealthily cloaking and working my way around or bolstering my armour and going in all guns blazing, are no less decisive to the outcome than in Deus Ex: Human Revolution’s vent crawling versus shotgun to the face approach. Without the pretence of real choice or notion that decisions will affect the outcome it was easy to enjoy a traditional shooter for the modern age. Certainly in terms of pure action gaming it’s difficult to see past Crysis 2.

And let’s not forget that this year I once again get to put on my gruffest voice and whisper into the ear of anyone who’ll listen, “I’m Batman!”

I also think the independent sector has truly risen above the main game studios this year in terms of reconnecting with the audience as to what constitutes an enjoyable gaming experience. They’ve certainly filled the void that endless wheelbarrows of money thrown at cross platform development had created. Trine 2 is puzzle platforming art in motion. Waves is an adrenalin fuelled acid trip. Orcs Must Die is a bizarre action tower defence hybrid that has me sniggering and on tip toes, while I’m sat down.

However, as good, and indeed great, as all these games are they are cast aside and left on the road to Riverwood simply for the crime of not being Bethesda’s latest opus. Certainly it lacks a little polish with its bugs, pop up, broken dialogue, ill conceived UI, and backwards flying dragon patches. Nevertheless, how could Skyrim not be my game of the year when it’s the most fraught, exciting, mysterious and beautiful land I’ve ever visited?

And that was 2011, or as Cave Johnson would say, “We’re done here!”

Monday, 15 August 2011

At Home With The Dentons - Episode Sixteen

Please Release Me

Paul: JC! JC! The reviews are coming through and it’s all good. They’re raving about it.
JC: What?
Paul: JC! JC! The reviews are coming through and it’s all good. They’re raving about it.
JC: No, what are they raving about?
Paul: Deus Ex Human Revolution. It’s getting great scores with some saying that it’s better than the original and that Adam is a far better realised character than either of us.
JC: What? That’s an outrage. How dare they sully the Denton name!
Alex: Hi guys. You watching anything ‘cos I want to watch Phineas and Ferb?
JC: Never mind.
Paul: Be fair. Phineas and Ferb are brilliant.
JC: I hate you both.

Saturday, 4 June 2011

Touching Duke

*I’ve been sitting on this wondering what to do with it as it was written on the demo launch day for www.plughead.net who went for something a little more detailed instead. So I’ve decided that rather than let it rot in my Google Docs I’d put it here.*


The game so delayed you’d think it had been sent by City Link is almost within our grasp. Those who pre-ordered or bought Borderlands GOTY edition and therefore got a membership to the First Access Club have been hurriedly downloading the demo all day.

If I was a comic character and you were reading the strip about me playing the demo, here’s what would be appearing in the thought bubbles:

  • Intro is like a ‘previously on Duke Nukem’ montage. Nice.
  • Games starts and I’m stood at a urinal. And now I’m pissing. Stilll pissing. Bored of pissing now.
  • Why have a Whiteboard unless you want me to draw a cock on a rocket powered skateboard on it? I am not above that juvenile level of humouring myself.
  • Ugh, checkpoints.
  • Locked door syndrome. Duke Nukem, the guy who single handed tears off alien heads and shits down their necks can’t open a door. Go Duke!
  • Replaying the last level of Duke 3D is nice. Reminiscent of good times. A simpler time. All nostalgic and warm.
  • The health meter is labelled ‘Ego’. Can see why, it’s certainly reflective. Bit wank really though.
  • Cycloid dead, field goal scored. Yay.
  • Fourth wall broken, 12 years in the making joke done. Yawn.
  • The twins fellating Duke while playing is a bit crass. Not sure who that’s supposed to appeal to. It’s not in any way erotic and on a humour level I don’t see what a joke aimed at thirteen year olds is doing in an 18 rated game.
  • Driving section. Everyone loves a driving section in a FPS, right?
  • Hang on, am I in an RC car? No, it just looks out of proportion and as responsive as a Trappist monk to an offer of a bit of karaoke.
  • I do so hate the bloodied retinal blur of impending death.
  • Is it me or is the FOV a little narrow?
  • Shotgun is meaty. Wish it was as powerful as it feels and sounds.
  • Can only carry two firearms at a time. Good. All shooters should adopt this rule.
  • Some of the environment is destructible. Cool.
  • Yeah shrink ray. Squishy pigs, kersplat.
  • Executions. That won’t get old quick.
  • I’m sorry the game seems to have accidentally stumbled into an Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom game. If I could just borrow a mine cart to ride back to the FPS I was playing, thanks.
  • Oh, is that it?

So that’s that. The demo is short and doesn’t offer anything new or original to the genre. Neither does it make me want to rush out and buy the full game on release. It does remind me of how shooters used to be. Simple, ridiculous, fun. For that reason it’s definitely on my list for a purchase, but it can wait.

Thursday, 3 February 2011

Return of the Thing

Hello and welcome to 2011. I know I’m a little late getting around to you, and I know I didn’t actually send you an invite, but I’m glad you made it all the same.
So, here’s what’s been happening in Peachville (up yours Zynga, I’m keeping that) since the little episode with our stupid American friend.

Life In All But Name
This is the stuff that gets in the way of doing meaningless unimportant things that are far more fun than the serious business of work and maintaining a family life. That’s not to suggest family life isn’t fun. Who put this hole here? Anyway, work is moderately satisfying, the family are wonderful, and the house needs work.

Games Unplayed
You’d think that as most of my posts inevitably turn to the subject of games that the lack of posts meant that I hadn’t been playing much. While my gaming has been suitably restricted, those who truly love me will know that I’ve been giving my ill conceived game related words to www.plughead.net and www.gamingdaily.co.uk who seem to like my musings so much they pollute their otherwise excellent content with it. You should visit them. Frequently.

As I discovered when we had our daughter, it’s difficult trying to nestle a child while using a keyboard and mouse, so the arrival of the boy means it’s console gaming time again. The Wii waggling doesn’t work either as there’s still too much scope for dropout, so I’ve finally relented and bought an XBox360. My experience with the Xbox support team is a tale for another day, though you’d be right to surmise I’ll be declaring them a bit shit.

Vroom Vroom
Since the accident last August that killed my FZ6 Fazer I’ve eased back into riding. It took a few months of exercise and physiotherapy to get my neck and shoulder back to how they should be, but thankfully there doesn’t appear to be any long term damage. It’s interesting for me how my caution in certain situations has been replaced by fear. I’m hoping that over time that will change as it does detract from what is an otherwise very enjoyable way to commute. Thankfully the car driver’s insurer didn’t mess us about over the bike and payed up, though I am still waiting for my out of pocket expenses, not least for the replacement gear. Having never been in this position before I don’t know if it’s normal for it to take this long.

Tomorrow
I’ll be a little bit fatter, a little bit balder, and with less life left.

And that’s about it for this brief howdy do as I really should get back to mingling. Try not to make too much noise when you leave.

Sunday, 19 September 2010

Twit Her

Twitter provided an unexpected surprise this week. Though before I continue, why is that an acceptable sentence? Surely if it had been expected it would not have been a surprise?

Those of us in the UK can't have escaped the fact that Pope Benedict XVI is visiting our nation, and like many I have been appalled by the stories of abuse and the incumbent Pope's alleged role in assisting in keeping the perpetrators from justice. It is this background that inspired me to reacted to one of the seemingly endless newscasts of the Papal visit with the tweet:

Kid can't believe he saw Pope with his own two eyes. Makes sense, those priests usually approach from the rear.

Now I think that's funny, but I am also well aware that the only person who finds me funny, is me, and I would like to think that the people who follow my tweets accept me for the simple fool I am. The surprise I mentioned arrived a couple of minutes later when I received this from @_Boring1_:

When is it ever funny to make fun of a child that has been molested? Never,it makes you just as sick as the child molester.

I didn't recognise the name of @_Boring1_ as one of my followers so my initial reaction was one of wonder as to who this person was, and my second was to disagree with their reply on a number of levels. Firstly, if there is a victim in my tweet it is the institution that ordains priests, as the inference is that the priest or priests or indeed the whole institution is one of evildoers who would pray on the innocent. Secondly, following @_Boring1_'s logic, any act that has the potential to have a victim would become taboo for humour, which if @_Boring1_ has ever laughed at a Marx Brothers, Three Stooges or Laurel & Hardy movie, or comedians such as Bill Hicks, Eddie Murphy, Richard Prior and George Carlin, makes them a hypocrite, and if they haven't then I simply cannot be dictated to by someone so emotionally crippled. Thirdly, as @_Boring1_ neither follows me nor knows me personally they have no idea who I am or what motivates me to tweet. What if I am a victim of abuse and deal with it through humour, lashing out at the institution that allowed that abuse to happen?

I am now curious though as to who @_Boring1_ is, not only because they felt the need to reply to me but also because they clearly feel morally superior to me and in a position to dictate what I may or may not comment on. So off I pop to Jessica's Twitter page. Jessica describes herself as “a girl,a mom,29 years old.” A 29 year old girl? I would hope that by 29 years of age my daughter would be a woman. Also I notice that while she is proud to boast on her ability to breed, she does not mention a husband or partner. Not that either is a requirement or I believe is a necessity, but I did want to establish the grounds for Jessica's moral superiority claims and why she felt empowered to start dictating morality issues to others.

Having taken the time to search out my tweet and reply to it, I felt it only fair to correct Jessica on her error and so replied:

Phew, good job I didn't actually mock an abused child then. Happy trolling.

I should have known better than to feed the troll but having been attacked by Jessica, who took it upon herself to find my words remember, I never imposed them upon her, I wanted to point out that she was attacking me based on her misunderstanding of what I had written and not what I had actually written. Maybe calling her a troll, while accurate, was a bit rude, but I wasn't abusive and never felt the need to resort to inappropriate language.

Jessica replied again:

Thanks and Happy being a sick fuck.

Obviously Jessica was unable to restrain herself or couldn't articulate her feelings without resorting to abuse. Whichever is the case, how anyone can claim any kind of moral high ground while resorting to that kind of abuse is beyond me, and I would hope beyond any intelligent observer of human behaviour too.

Realising that Jessica would not or could not engage in a rational discussion and was clearly only in the mood to be abusive, I decided to return to the humour:

I'm sick? You're the one chatting up a stranger! Didn't even need to offer you sweets.

Jessica retweeted that. Possibly the most productive thing she's done in her 29 years.

Is it relevant that Jessica is American? Alabama no less!

Friday, 10 September 2010

Motorcyclic Argument

It is not without a sense of irony that my first post since Caught On HelmetCam should happen to be in the wake of me being involved in an accident that left my bike an insurance write off and me off work for a number of weeks recovering from my injuries.

First thing I think it's important to do is thank the North West Ambulance Service as well as the doctors and staff at Arrowe Park Hospital who were pleasant and considerate throughout my time with them, and the Merseyside Police Officer who attended the scene and was very helpful.

Fortunately, though battered, bruised and in a lot of pain, I came out of the accident intact. Communicating with various people and parties since the accident and I could be forgiven for feeling I should have expected the accident to happen simply because I ride a motorcycle. Certainly there have been a number of voices suggesting I should take this as a sign to give up two wheeled transport and shocked that I haven't dismissed the idea of ever riding again.

Having joined the wealth of statistics on road traffic accidents I've been digging a little deeper. Before I took up motorcycling I was aware that relatively speaking motorcyclists are involved in far more accidents than car drivers (I believe motorcycles account for 1% of traffic while being involved in around 20% of accidents) so motorcycling being unsafe is an easy conclusion to reach. That leads me to wondering why it is that when so much time and effort has been put into improving rider training with the emphasis on defensive riding, and a much stricter and difficult two part practical test for motorcyclists, there is still such a disparity?

One statistic that gets raised consistently is that 80% of motorcyclist fatalities involve the motorcyclist travelling at excessive speed, though in raising that it doesn't address the vast majority of the accidents as while 80% is a large proportion, the actual number of fatalities involving motorcycles is a fraction of that involving cars and larger vehicles. That's not to belittle fatalities or diminish their significance, just to give context.

Campaigns aimed at reducing speeds saw little reduction in the number of accidents because most accidents weren't caused by speeding motorcyclists, and it's looking at where safety campaigns are focused now and are seemingly having an impact, combined with the statistics from accident reports across Europe and America, you see the cause of most accidents is in car drivers' observations. Almost everyone I've shown my HelmetCam video has commented on how 'normal' those examples of inconsiderate driving are. Surely that's where the problem lies? While the vast majority of accidents involving motorcycles are the car drivers fault, and almost half of those are cars pulling out from junctions into approaching vehicle's path, the natural impulse seems to be to remove motorcycles from our roads rather than tackle the poor driving standards we've allowed to develop.

I have no doubt that those wishing me to hang up my helmet only have my best interests at heart, and I am grateful for the love expressed (particularly that little lump in the throat from Sheffield, despite him hitting the delete key), and when I am all healed and am able to get back on a bike I won't be doing so in deference to those expressions or because I feel I have some kind of right to be a biker. I'll be doing it because I enjoy it; it's low cost commuting; and because I have faith in you to look, and then look again.

Sunday, 25 July 2010

Caught on HelmetCam Vol.1

I got a small DV camera for Father's Day which I mount inside my helmet when commuting to and from work. The examples of poor driving I capture are astounding and surprisingly numerous. It has to be said, it's not all car drivers, I've seen some mad and dangerous stuff from bikers too, however the bike stuff tends to be really obvious and you can probably think now of occasions where a biker has ridden past at ridiculous speed or been pulling wheelies. Thankfully, those do tend to be the minority, all be it a very visual one.
What I've found interesting is the casual attitude of some car drivers. It's almost as if once some people get their license, the basics go out of the window. The most obvious example of this is the middle lane hog. Someone who will sit in the middle lane of a three lane motorway, even when the nearside lane is clear and they are travelling slower than cars in that nearside lane who are approaching from behind, forcing those drivers to either undertake or cross two lanes out and then two lanes back to pass. I've even heard the argument that the driver felt less likely to have an accident by staying in the middle lane as he would need to perform less manoeuvres on his journey so would be less likely to have an accident. Surely someone that unsure of their ability to even change lanes safely shouldn't be behind the wheel?
I don't mean to sound like a car basher, I do drive as well as ride, and I am equally frustrated by fellow road users when driving. The main difference then though is that those inconsiderate and oblivious drivers are less likely to seriously injure to even kill me when I'm in the car.
I've put a few examples together in a video. Please don't emulate anything you see in it.